Myles Garrett, the Browns, and the Tragedy of Cleveland

By now, everyone has heard the news: Myles Garrett, Cleveland’s one-man defense department, has requested a trade. And thus begins the latest scene in the great Cleveland sports tragedy—a play in five acts, featuring heartbreak, mismanagement, and a hero whose talents are wasted on a team that has made losing an art form.

Strike up the band; cue the lamentations; debate in the taverns about loyalty and the hand-wringing over contracts. A man who signed on the dotted line now desires freedom from his sworn obligations—can anyone say Shakespeare's Coriolanus? Imagine an NFL purist, the kind that talk about the good ole days, clutching his chest in despair, wailing, "A contract! A contract! A franchise for a contract!" But in today's league, contracts are suggestions rather than commitments, dissolving the moment they no longer suit either party.

“The goal was never to go from Cleveland to Canton,” Garrett proclaimed, in what must belong in the annals of great sports quotes—alongside "I'm taking my talents to South Beach." Garrett then clarified that his goal is to win a Super Bowl. The unspoken addendum? Like fuck that's happening in Cleveland, Ohio.

CORIOLANUS
"Despising,
For you, the city, thus I turn my back:
There is a world elsewhere."

AEDILE
The people’s enemy is gone, is gone.

ALL PLEBEIANS
Our enemy is banished; he is gone. Hoo, hoo!
[They all shout and throw up their caps.]

-Coriolanus, Act 3, Scene 3

Cleveland fans—bless them—remain ensnared in the usual trap: denial, outrage, reluctant acceptance, and finally, a blind hope that the next draft pick will be THE ONE. THE WON? Meanwhile, Browns management—an organization that saw Deshaun Watson’s contract and said, “Yeah, let’s commit to this dildo”—now must decide how to respond. Do they play the jilted lover, refusing to let Garrett go? Do they grant his request and let him chase a ring elsewhere? Or do they follow their own historical precedent and make the worst possible decision, ensuring maximum suffering? Hint: it's the suffering. Always the suffering.

The more pressing question for me about Garrett is, Why make the request public? If history has taught us anything, it’s that trade demands are best handled discreetly—unless, of course, the goal is to maximize leverage. And let’s be honest, nothing fires up a fanbase quite like being told, Hey, I’d rather not be here anymore, ya suck-ass fans. He did hear a group of fans cheering Watson's downfall.

"With that in mind, I have requested to be traded from the Cleveland Browns."

-Myles Garrett

But what of commitment? Ah, the old relic! "A man signs a contract, he must honor it!" say those who still believe in the sanctity of long-term agreements, conveniently ignoring the NFL’s rich tradition of teams lopping players the moment it benefits them. The Browns are in a right to work state, after all. Perhaps Garrett should invoke Ohio labor laws in his next press conference: “I am simply exercising my right to seek better employment conditions.” A classier version of Lebron's flub?

And then there’s the idea that he deserves to win a Super Bowl, a phrase that should be outlawed from all sports discussions. No one deserves anything in professional sports—not players, not owners, not even fans; though Cleveland fans probably come closest. If “deserve” were a real concept in the NFL, the Lions would have won a Super Bowl by now, and Tom Brady would have tapped out at two rings, lost Gisele earlier, and leveraged his own version of the ManningCast. The league is chaos, not a meritocracy.

So what's next? The Browns will draft someone who, with luck, will be the next great Cleveland disappointment. Garrett will (probably) end up somewhere competent, where he will (probably) make a Super Bowl run. And Browns fans will (certainly) watch, torn between resentment and nostalgia.

And so the tragedy continues.